


Giving Up

by SilenceoftheSolitude



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s08e02 New Order (2), Gen, Interlude, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 21:18:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenceoftheSolitude/pseuds/SilenceoftheSolitude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe she’d given too much and she just couldn’t take any more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giving Up

**Author's Note:**

> Set during 'New Order (part 2)'.
> 
> Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringment intended.

The midnight sky hovered above her head. There was no sound but that of her breath. It was slow, regular, calm. However it lacked in softness and, instead, abounded in harshness. She felt tired down deep, she was losing her will. Maybe she’d given too much and she just couldn’t take any more. Honestly, she was tired of being the good soldier who could go on even if she left people behind. She wanted to be just a woman like there were billions others.

She felt caged, even when all worlds opened up in front of her. She felt restrains pushing her down, and she didn’t want to fight them anymore. She was tired. She most likely had no right to be, but she was. It was as simple as that.

She looked up. She didn’t recognize the stars above her head, but then again, she didn’t even know where she was. There was no fascination in her eyes at the foreign sight, just acceptance that reflected what she felt inside. A void of nothingness engulfed her, slowly eating through her. From her core it was making its way to the outer layers of Sam Carter.

Usually, when she felt beaten, she would hear comforting words spoken in a soft murmur in her head, and that would be enough, she would pull through whatever darkness scared her. But today was different. No words. No comfort. Not a shred of anything. No straw she could grasp at.

She realized it was all gone. Nothing mattered anymore. She had lost too much. She had lost too _many_. There was no one to go back to, and without them she felt like she couldn’t be anymore. She had lost herself. And there was no way back, because she didn’t want a way back. She didn’t want to go home because she felt there was no home to go back to anymore, not without them. For without them Sam ceased to be.

 

* * *

 

She lays waiting for death to come under the night shimmering sky.

Just as she’s about to give up a voice comes through, breaking the walls inside her mind. And it’s not just one, it’s all of them. They’re calling out to her. She opens her eyes and she can see them. And she realizes it was all just a dream. They’re alive. _She_ is alive.

And nothing matters anymore, not for a while it won’t. Because she’s home. Wherever that is.

She smiles. “Glad to see you, sir.”


End file.
